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Hello, and welcome to Move to the Light. Move to the Light is a website in progress. I am learning the basic skills to provide visitors with information on how to move away from the demons lurking in the darkness toward a better life full of positive experiences armed with proven methodologies to overcome mental health challenges.

Please join me as I move toward a happy, healthy and fulfilled future.

Roadmap to a brighter future

For years, I ignored when physically hurt, and while maintaining a tough exterior, I became mentally broken inside. Still, the outside world saw me as just fine. I denied obvious indications that I needed help.

The Wake Up Call

In 2009, while accompanying my Marine son to Long Beach, CA, VAMC, for his treatment (he is 100% physically disabled), I agreed to take an online survey for PTSD. The result is: "Seek professional help immediately."


Returning to Virginia, I had my semi-annual physical at the Richmond VA Medical Center (RVAMC), Richmond, VA, and I intended to tell my primary care physician the survey results. Before my revelation, she said her staff assignment at RVAMC was ending, and she would return to Johns Hopkins. It took me a long time to develop this trusting relationship, and the news hit me hard. I broke down, relating how I used the five-hour flight back from California to make a list of possible causes for my PTSD. I spoke about Vietnam, Pakistan, Africa, and other venues where the multiple situations I encountered contributed to the problem. Recognizing my critical state, she went down the hall and returned with immediate consultation with a clinician in the PTSD clinic. Recognizing once I departed her office, I'd head straight home, she took me by the hand to the clinician. That, as they say, is how I have arrived at this point in my struggle.

I have two published books:
Suicide and the 90-Day Window
Merchant's List.

Suicide and the 90-Day Window is my story and recounts the many highways of spiritual, metabolic and psychiatric intervention; I've traveled to leave the specter of active suicidal ideation in the rearview mirror, continuing toward a happy, healthy, and fulfilled future.

Merchant's List is a "factional" novel and is a  personal pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago thrusting Alan Merchant back into his former life as a military-political intelligence analyst, placing him front and center, leading a coalition of law enforcement and military special operations operators whose mission is to thwart an expected assassination of Pope Benedict the XVI. Author A.N.Caird (my Scot family name).

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